Thursday, March 26, 2015

Early Spring Smallmouth (SW PA and West Virginia): First Bass of the Year 

Trolling through the Internet and checking out fishing tactics and techniques, most of what’s out there focuses lake fishing, boat fishing or big water fishing in general. For folks like me, who do 80% of their fishing in creeks, a lot of this stuff just doesn’t apply. Talk about shallow and deep water for example, is a matter of perspective. In the creeks we fish around here, if there’s a hole that’s 5 foot deep, that’s about as deep as it gets. Most of the time were running lures in 2 to 3 feet of water. This time a year it’s a little deeper. Shallow water doesn’t mean small fish though, I pulled a 43” Muskie out of about 2.5 feet of water and it followed my lure from a hole that was maybe 3.5 feet deep. I’ve seen people do better than that too. So anyway, that’s where we’re fishing - in creeks. These creeks I’m specifically talking about are on the border of Pennsylvania and West Virginia near the Mason Dixon line in about a 30 mile radius. 

First thing to consider, this time of year is notoriously slow. Time wise the first day of Spring hit, but here we are in late March and there’s still sporadic snow mixed with 60 degree days in between. The water temperatures are inching up to that 45 degree mark where bass start to come alive. I call this the pre-spawn - I’m not much for science so if you go getting technical on me that’s fine, you stay in the lab and argue about terminology and I’ll be in the creek fishing during “pre spawn,” because that’s what the “Appalachian Apostle” calls it and I have a nasty habit of referring to myself in the third person. 

What You Need:

Tackle - I’m not a gear snob - many of the spots I go are hard to access and dropping expensive poles in the mud or getting them pulled in the water when a carp or drum bolts off with your bait sucks. This trip I used a little pan fish Shakespeare spinning combo I bought


on tour at Walmart - they are like 15-20 bucks. I took the crap line that was on it off and replaced it with some 10 lb Berkley Trilene monofilament in that transparent green color. That’s closest to the water color by me. I also use a lot classic Mitchell Spinning reals too - they are made a lot better than comparable priced stuff these days. We'll talk bait-casters another day. 

Waders - I sometimes bank fish but even when I do I wear waders. It makes it easier to not worry about getting wet, especially when it’s cold. I don’t use insulated waders and this time of year it can get cold standing in the water for any period of time. I use rubber style hip boots that clip to my belt. I don’t personally like chest waders for my style of fishing. First they don’t leave me room for my pistol and second, when it comes summer and you want to take your shirt off you get a weird tan and look like Hillbilly Jim from the WWE back in the day. Oh yeah, and put your phone in a plastic bag, I'm on my third iPhone from fishing casualties. 

Lures - The most successful lure I have in my arsenal is the Rebel Wee Craw in chartreuse. It’s basically firetiger style in other lures in terms of coloring. I carry a bunch of these. I have other colors but these seem to work best for me. I’m not sure if it’s just a great lure for the area or if I just use it better than I do my other lures but it gets me the best results. Even in the other colors with the same lure I’m not as consistent. I also use a lot of Rapala cranks too - usually yellow, black/silver minnow looking one or firetiger. This time of year I don’t

have much success with spinners but when it comes spinner time go with a Deathshimmer if you can find them. Their action is unmatched and I do good on bass with them in Muskie creek waters. What I found this time of year is though, my later season tactics aren’t the best. So with that in mind, for my first bass this year, I used Berkley Powerbait minnows. I used the smaller size and tied them straight to my line. I use swivels later in the year when I’m using bigger cranks just because it’s easier; but tie these Berkley baits straight on for the best results.

Side Arm - Ok this isn’t necessary but I’m a big 2nd Amendment guy and I generally never leave the house without my pistol and my buck knife. Hell, we have a song about my Buck knife. When the weather is crappy like this, I carry my Glock 19 with a Blackhawk click plastic holster. You can’t really hurt that weapon. When it gets nicer I prefer by big framed single action Ruger Blackhawk .357. These don’t help you catch fish necessarily but they keep the Deliverance people away that may be aiming to make you squeal like a pig. 

RedMan Chew - I’m a very habit oriented creature, I believe Redman Chew helps me catch more fish - Golden Blend is the best for this. 

Getting the Bass

Chances are you’re fishing areas you fished the previous year. This gives you a good place to start. Aim for the last place you caught a bass the previous year. If you don’t know the area, look for “bassy” areas with a lot of cover. Places with rocks, ledges and fallen trees. I found that the bass this time of year are deep, which means they are in the deeper creek water. In terms of lures, this means shallow running lures will be fine. Deep diving lures for "deep spots" are referencing lakes and rivers and you'll snag these and lose a lot of coin fast if you try to use them in these creek spots. A good way to guess depth without scaring all the fish and wading out is to look at the water color. When you see those darker colored spots that are out of the main current, aim at those. Areas where rapid moving water flow into wider water are good too because that’s where fish feed. For me, and probably for you, the fish won’t be in exactly the same spot as they were. A few months of winter and flooding can change the whole landscape of a creek. There’s a good chance they moved nearby. I nailed my first season bass about 10 yards up stream from where I was catching them the previous year. 

Finding the bass is the hardest part. This can take a lot of casts and patience. It also takes slower retrieves and more action on the lures. When it gets warm and bass are more active, you can run stuff right across these areas and they’ll chase them. This time of year the strike range is more limited. You have to literally run the lures right passed them. I’m a number guy so I use the “7” technique. I cast and retrieve 7 times across the area I think they are. Each time I put the lure damn near in the exact same spot. If you can’t do this go in the yard and practice until you can; otherwise, it’s like shooting in the dark. If I don’t get anything, I target the same area from a different angle and do the same thing. If I still didn’t get a hit I do this one more time at a different angle. So basically I’ve covered the same spot with 21 or so casts. I learned this watching Bill Dance Outdoors back in the day. 

Some people aren’t into this. Some people cast once or twice and move on. You can cover a lot of ground this way, but this time of year it won’t help you locate the fish efficiently. After that, I move along to another likely spot nearby. Another note, when the water is moving fast or the current comes into play, make sure you aren’t swimming the lure with the current, this is pretty useless as lures this small will lose all their action. Either take your angle directly across or pull it slightly upstream. For me, it was the third spot I hit from the last spot I caught a bass last year. So yeah, that means I was at least 42 casts in before I even could confirm where the bass were. This is about the only time I'm patient, put me in LA traffic and I lose my shit. 

As I mentioned before, I used the slowest retrieve I could to make that Berkley minnow have action. Instead of just swimming it, I started each cast by jigging it a few times before I swam it. This means I threw it, let it hit the bottom, jigged it a few times and then swam it. In that third spot using this technique I foul hooked a 14” smallmouth. I got him in and thankfully my hook didn’t do too much damage. I got him back in the water right away and he was off to spread those good genes during the spawn. I want to take a second to push some good ju ju. If you aren’t going to eat it put it back. I aim to have every bass I catch back in the water in under a minute. This is enough time to get it off the hook, take a pretty picture and even get a measurement. If it’s a trophy, it’s even more important you get it back in the water. These days they can build you replica mounts based on pictures and measurements that look amazing. They are usually cheaper too than the old style skin ones and they look great. You have a fish for your wall and the fish is still swimming and breeding, which is a win win for everyone. 



After I landed that bass, it was a victory because it was my first bass of the year but also it showed me where they were. Now I had to make a decision, did I foul hook it because the weren’t that into what I was throwing or was it because I pulled too soon. Since it was hard to tell, I began targeting that area with the same technique and in the next 20 minutes I landed 2 more - a 10” and a 12” smallmouth. Both are respectable for this area.

After all that chaos they stopped biting there. Usually after that much action you should let it simmer down in a hole like that for a 1/2 hour. We did that and I let my young Padawan Jedi that was with me learning the ways of the Appalachian Apostle hit the spot the next time. Using the same bait, and after two bouts with the tree, he managed to put one line in the right spot, reeled it in, and declared there were no fish there and moved on. Anyway, he didn’t catch any fish that day. Remember, "Patience."

On a side note, a trick I like to do when I fish an area is to throw a second pole in with a worm. I’m a lure guy but worms are a good way to discover what type of fish are in an area and where they are. This day upstream about a 70 yards from that spot I hooked an at least 10lb carp like this. I got it up to my waders in the shallows but it got off the hook at the end. I really wasn’t rigged up for something like that. It still was exciting and marked the end to a solid few hours of fishing. 

Final Thoughts

So that’s it, these are some of the tricks I’ve learned from old timers and through trial and error during my years on the water. I’m going to be trying to do regular blogs about my fishing techniques and such when I get a chance. When I’m on tour I get to fish a lot of spots across the country. I carry a rod broken down in my guitar case so I’m always ready to go. It’s always a challenge finding new water and then going about getting something out of the water. Stay tuned, if you have any questions hit me up. If you live around me and want to go out and fish with me, I’m usually down for that unless you are annoying, a complainer, a stalker or stupid; and then you’ll take away from my fishing Zen time. Being the self proclaimed most metal fisherman in the land, you never know who you may see me take fishing. Lots of times bands on tour through Pittsburgh or Morgantown I know hit me up and I take them out if I’m not on the road myself. You could end up seeing a guitar legend or something like that learning the ways of the Creek Ninja. Say howdy if you see me, unless you are one of those eco-yuppies in a kayak paddling through where I’m fishing, then I’ll probably throw rocks at you. 

-Adam Joad (Appalachian Apostle and Self Proclaimed Creek Ninja)



Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Thoughts on the New Scattered Hamlet Album 

So it’s that time again, time to make a new album and put a permanent stamp on where we are right now. We introduced ourselves with “Skeleton Dixie” with all the subtly of a pack of coyotes. We kept it simple, straight up, raw and all that good stuff. Now 2 years later, several hundred shows later (lost track) and a few minor line up adjustments, the diesel is idling and ready to go- and so are myself, Jake, CB, Crash and Rich. To say we are exited would be an understatement. 

The winds of fortune are on us this time. Thanks to y’alls support we’ve got more cred, more cash and more backing this time. That means we have more at our disposal to make this a better album. We have a killer production team that’s worked with badasses like Rob Zombie, Band of Horses, the Murder Dolls and they even have a few Grammy nods in there. Our producer said to me awhile back, “Joad, I want to make an album that doesn’t sound like all the radio rock garbage that keeps copying itself these days...The kind of album that people can sing along with and make them feel the way we did when we heard our favorite rock tunes back in the day.” 

......Well, that notion lit my ears up because that’s exactly the album that I wanted to make. Rock today is too safe in my humble opinion, a bunch of suits and business men have been worrying about all the hype about rock being dead and the industry is dying. Scared people play it safe so they keep making a clone of something else that was successful. The problem is you end up with a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy blaring in your ears. Anyone knows the more you do this it fades and gets worse each time. Think of the movie Multiplicity for example... Ok, so this album probably won’t buy me a jet, but who cares, worry about buying jets wasn’t and isn’t what attracted me to music in the first place.

I had a chance to talk to one of my favorite guitar players and song writers awhile back, Tom Keiffer. He was explaining to me how the industry now doesn’t let vocalists have a voice these days. There’s no character when all singers sound the same and all tones are the same. He’s right, you can’t tell a band apart by listening to the singer half the time anymore. I like that observation because I don’t want to sing like a third rate copy of Chad in Nickleback - but I also didn’t want to limit myself to sounding like Lemmy’s drunk hillbilly cousin either (No offense to Lemmy, who is and always will be king or Chad either, it’s not his fault every radio rock band has copied their model). 



Getting it Done, Putting in the Work!

All this is well and good, but in order to pull this off some things had to happen. First, I had to learn to sing better and learn to play guitar better, this took some time away from catching Bass and Muskie - I didn’t hit my 200 fish catch mark this year - put I was damn close; got about 190. I also didn't get to train my MMA and Jiu Jitsu as much as I wanted - though I still think with proper motivation, I could cut to 185... Now I'm way off topic so let's get back here - Second, we rolled back off the gain to let our fingers make the tones. AND, we have to record this sucker mostly live as a band because that’s how Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers, Thin Lizzy and all them folks did it. So, we have to get really really tight to pull this off, which is the way pro bands should be in this saturated market where every Tom, Dick and Harry make a Facebook page, play out once and are waiting for their million dollar record deal. We also have to grab some vintage amps and push them to the brink with some American made badassery courtesy of Fender and Gibson. 

Getting away from my tech nerd rant, above all, we need good songs. Right now, we’re poking and prodding at 11 or now 12 stories for y’all. They are stories, our stories, my stories, stories of people who grew up just like us. People that like “To drink and dance all night” who “when it comes to a fix ain’t afraid to fight,” just like Ronnie said. The same people that come alive when the gitar strings are bent just right, when that throttle cracks its sweet spot on a big V-twin, when that bass explodes on a top water lure while the frogs are singing their songs on moonlit summer night and  most importantly, those who have as much in common with Hank Williams 1-2-3 as they do Black Label Society and Black Flag. 

                    "Got in some fights and I broke some laws, Knocked to my knees where I had to crawl.   
                     My strike it rich and I might not  land, I come alive in a guitar band" (SH “Green 
                     Bastard”).

I named songs after my uncle’s hunting dogs, we wrote about my Buck Knife, we wrote about country boys trying to navigate hollywood, we wrote about bitch ass promoters trying to rip us off, we wrote about ridge running the back roads of Greene County, but most importantly, we wrote about what we know. We did it with a double guitar attack, harmonicas and in your face down and dirty country rock or probably even metal at times. Unless you’re a metal elitist that paints your face, likes cookie monster vocals and burns churches, then this probably won’t be metal at all. I’m ok with that and not fond of labels anyway - I’m the same fella that gets misty eyed every time I watch Hank Jr.’s “A Country Boy Can Survive” video:



Those are my people. Those are the things I do when I’m not on tour... that’s where I came from. If you don’t get it, that’s fine, but don’t put down what you don’t understand. I don’t get gang culture or the mood in the streets back in the early 90’s South Central Los Angeles but I still like NWA’s album “Straight Outta Compton.” It was honest and sincere. 

So be patient, we want to get this right. We called on our friends across all kinds of genres to get their input and ideas. We have  a handful of friends from metal bands, country bands, punk bands and even hip hop backgrounds prodding at the demos giving us input so we can make them as good as possible. There will be guest appearances, humor, magic and all that you’ve come to expect from the Hillbilly Side Show Extravaganza. We’ll be on the road again in May and June, look for a late summer release of this album and you can let us know if we pulled it off. 

                        "Crossroads hoo-doo magic by the rail road tracks" (SH "White Trash")


Freezing in a bunker in Appalachia,

Adam Joad  



SH is: "The Irish Thunder" Jake Delling Le Bas (Drums), "The Old Kentucky Bastard" Rich Erwin (Bass, Vocals), "The Legendary Chicago Bluesman" Adam Newell (Lead Guitar, Vocals), "The Applachian Apostle" Adam Joad (Lead Vocals, Guitar, Harmonica) and "The General" Johnny Crash (Vocals, Whiskey, Hype, percussion). 

Friday, December 6, 2013

On Rebels, Rock, Racism and Patches on My Vest


It happens, not very often, but on occasion. We’ll get that one person that points to my rebel flag patch or related Southern symbolism somewhere in our stage show and they express their discomfort. It’s usually a liberal White person hell bent on categorizing me as a hillbilly racist that’s close minded and participating in diabolical meetings trying to enslave people of African heritage again. They treat me like I’m a one man wrecking crew on a mission to go to South Africa and revitalize the chattel slavery era... “White Power” and all that hoopla. They cast judgement and if I don’t fit into their neat mold it throws them for a curve ball. I look the part, I have a camo hat, I’m not a pencil neck in skinny jeans, I have a non hipster beard, sometimes I chew tobacco and I know exactly what top water lure to throw at dusk to nail a huge smallmouth in the crick...Yup, I must be racist. I ride shotgun with George Zimmerman’s neighborhood watch. Oh wait, he’s Hispanic... damn this is getting confusing figuring out which team we’re on. 


Rocklahoma 2012

I’m not an innocent victim though, I do the same shit. When I see vegan warriors or eco-yuppies meandering around Whole Foods, I assume they are suburban trust fund kids who read an essay by Che Guevara and fancy themselves very important in the political process. Yeah, fist in the air, power to the people, I get it, the status quo is frustrating; BUT....I figure they probably can’t fish, they can’t skin a buck, they’ve never shot a gun and they’ve never worked with their hands and I throw my pebble of judgement right back. So we stand there at an ideological/judgmental stalemate. I’d say ‘Mexican Stand Off’ but then I’d be writing an essay explaining that I don’t hate Mexican people and I’ll get tired of writing....political correctness sucks and makes us weak as far as I’m concerned.



Here’s the deal, we’re both wrong. At least I know I am though. Some of my best friends are left wing crusaders and I have friends that would probably be considered racist by mainstream media standards of political correctness. I tend to put more value on your character and actions than on your externally expounded politricks. I typically piss off both sides. The right hates me because I believe in rights for women, I have little time for organized religion and I don’t fucking care if you marry a frog as long as it’s a consenting adult. The left hates me because I carry a gun, I don’t agree with free rides and open borders and I think we should probably bring public hangings back. That’s Adam Joad, I’m a walking contradiction that’s pretty predictable once you know the pattern - I always like Yuengling and Whiskey though. The Whiskey has to be from South of the Mason Dixon line for my liking.... Obviously not because I prefer it that way, it's because I must hate Canada, the Irish and Scots even though by definition they would be “Whitey.” And "Whitey" we all know is the man that has been oppressing people of color for 400 years...Yeah I’ve read Nation of Islam stuff and watched Farrakhan speak, it makes my head hurt truth be told. It’s probably by design since I am the white devil with the patch on my vest to prove it. I have the right to use my Keurig coffee maker "By Any Means Necessary" to get my caffeine just right in the morning. 


So that brings me to the old stars and bars. Like the Gasden Flag (Don’t Tread on Me - no it's not a Metallica Flag dumbases), there are certain organizations that have appropriated the rebel flag. From the Klan to Neo Nazis to the Dukes of Hazzard, fuck the other day I saw it in a Hed Pe video and he’s bi-racial (and a really nice guy + killer performer). A flag only has the meaning that we assign to it. For me, this is the meaning I assign to it. Every SH riff and Rock and Roll in general is born from the South. It’s derived from the blues and it’s primarily built on pentatonic blues scales in a traditional form (at least the good stuff is).... AND the blues originated as a Black Man’s form of expression. If I were racist, I’d have to hate the very roots of what I dedicate my life to playing. So for me, the stars and bars is an homage to the roots of what I do. We didn't invent this shit, we are just part of it. It’s also a geographical location that should be celebrated for its beauty, its people and its diversity. When I get to the South or to similar rural areas, I feel a sense of relief and connection that I don’t get in big cities. That’s just who I am. 


Folks flying the Stars and Bars in the Audience
for us at A2 Festival in Michigan.
I wasn’t born in the South, I grew up Greene County. I could probably shoot the Mason Dixon line with my deer rifle  from there but technically by “Civil War” geography, I’m in the north. You may not want to tell people from there that as there’s not much difference in our Appalachian hillside from the other. If you trace my family tree I have relatives that fought on both sides of the Civil War. I also have relatives who fought in the Revolutionary War, WW I, WWII and Vietnam but I digress. I did none of these things so I’m not claiming any valor by any means just demonstrating a point. I also never participated in the slave trade but now I’m getting off topic because my brain is a terrible place. You know who else isn’t from the South, Ed King.... Yeah he’s the fella you hear counting in at the beginning of “Sweet Home Alabama.” He’s from California. You know who else isn’t, David Allan Coe. Yeah he’s from Ohio and he’s the reigning king of Outlaw Country, well Willie probably is by Coe is a badass. Clint Black is from Jersey.... etc. So yes, there’s a rebel flag patch on my vests. There’s also a Crass Patch, an American Flag Patch, a BLS Patch, A Hell Rider Patch, A Black Flag Patch, an Allman Brothers Patch, an American Indian Movement patch etc. None of the haters care about these though, only the dixie flag. 


The Dukes, the most awesome use
of Southern symbolism 

Anyway, don’t assume we are racists or that we hate any group in general. I think the key to ending racism is eliminating it from the equation and that goes both ways. I say fuck Al Sharpton and those people that are trying to push racial divides rather than bridge them. Fuck, what do I know though, I’m the guy that taunted PETA kids doused in fake blood from the stage at Warped Tour with a real deer skull. I’m not exactly someone you should model your political beliefs around. I drive around the country in a sweet A-Team van and play rock music for a living. I’m sure I’ll drop the ball and cast judgement in the wrong direction again and I’m sure it will be done to me. I’m a human being but hell, we all are and that’s something to celebrate. 

Let’s keep it respectful and oh yeah, If you don’t like the rebel flag on my vest, fuck off I could care less - Don’t look at it. White power, brown pride, black power.. suck it, Joad Power. 





From My Bunker In Appalachia,


Adam Joad 


FYI: We started taking orders for the new embroidered 3.5" SH patch - They will ship right after Christmas, Festivus, Hanukkah, Kwanza or whatever the hell you celebrate. No rebel flags were used or hurt during the patch production process even though they are made by a Southern factory in Florida, not overseas. Though they are 100% made of vegan materials, which should now make Jay Z and Beyonce happy in the event that you are going to buy the power couple one to celebrate the new year, the skull depicted was actually from a deer shot in Mt. Morris, PA. 

SH Patch: Get one Here










Tuesday, August 6, 2013


Sorry I Didn’t Catch Your Band:

When I was a youngster and on the rare occasions we’d land a show with a national act, I had this notion in my mind that maybe the headliner would see us, really dig our band and help us out in some way. When this didn’t happen or if one of the members came in the room for a few songs and then left, I used to get pissed off. I thought they were being rockstars or they sold out and didn’t care about the local scene. Regardless, with the benefit of hindsight, whatever I was thinking was probably wrong in most situations. 100 + shows a year later, I have a different perspective on things and I have a different answer for the guy that pulled me aside and said, “I noticed you didn’t watch much of our band’s set, why?” 
[Redd is beat tired after loading out at 3 AM]

Well, what I’m going to say may not make me the most popular person but like I’ve always said, I’m an acquired taste like Wild Turkey... So here goes. Truth is, “discovering” a new live band is very low on my priority list when I’m out on the road. With that said, I am super stoked when I do catch a new band that’s on the bill with us that truly blows my mind or inspires me. Talking to some of my touring musicians friends and so forth and thought it’s often only said behind closed doors, this rarely happens. A buddy of mine from a big band you’ve probably heard of said to me one time, “Joad, it’s like this, 99% of the local bands you’ll play with suck.” I think he may be a little extreme but definitely at least 95% of them are uninspiring or pretty middle of the road. 

Now there will be some folks that will say, “Who the fuck do you think you are... your band sucks anyway.”  OK, I accept that, but there’s a few things to consider before you write me off as a tool bag. First, we’re good at what we do, we’re always pro and we’re out there in the trenches doing it. If you’re annoyed by this conversation already you probably aren’t really out there in the trenches. It’s like this, playing paint ball on the weekends, no matter how good you are, it doesn’t mean that you know jack shit about being in the infantry front lines in a real war. There’s some similarities, but it’s two different things. Apples and oranges. I don’t like to just leave a bold statement like 95% of the bands we are playing with are uninspiring without explaining a bit so stay with me here. 

I’m sure if you’re on a national bill the show is a big deal to you and if its not , it should be because it’s a big opportunity a lot of really good bands don’t get easily. Still, you are probably more excited about it than anyone else is. Bring the enthusiasm into your show and into your promotion though. If you play it awesome they will come doesn’t really happen so get that notion out of your head. If you’re a local band and you only bring 5 people out to see you, stop wasting people’s time. You either A) aren’t ready to be on that stage or B) too lazy to promote or C) the last time people came to your show it sucked. In either of these scenarios, neither the national, booker or anyone else involved in the show process will be very happy with you regardless of how good you are. 

Some people have said, “It’s a style thing, you just don’t like our style or you don’t get it.” Yeah, that’s probably not true either. In our touring rig, the driver picks the music and depending on who’s in the captains chair, you will hear an eclectic mix of new bands, classics and live stuff. What I want to hear is something that’s good and pro. You should be good at your style. People should say, you know, that’s not my thing but I had a good time and you guys are good at what you’re doing. In most cases, what you’re doing I’ve probably seen done better and with more originality. My friend calls it the “Smokestack Lightning” quoting Howling Wolf. He calls the smokestack that intangible quality that goes beyond talent and just somehow captivates people. It doesn’t have to be one person, it can be a song or it can be the synergy between band members. Even if you come across pro and are competent at playing, it doesn’t mean I’ll see the smokestack. Two songs in I may say, yeah that’s a solid street punk band and leave the room. I may hear one song and realize that if I don’t escape I will be subject to incomprehensible cookie monster rantings by a singer in flood pants who’s double kick drummer will likely beat us over the head with blast beats for the next hour playing the same song with breaks in between every 5 minutes.
[I'm trying to get some sleep an hour before we go on]

Sometimes I know if I’ll watch your band just from our first meeting. When I see your band come in, I do make judgements. I look at the members, how they act, their equipment, their merch, how they soundcheck and everything and I learn a lot. Sometimes I’m dead wrong and I probably shouldn’t do this, but I”m usually right. For example, if I ask the kid in a perfect hot topic outfit what kind of music he plays and he says, “Well, it’s really hard to say, you can’t classify what we’re doing, it’s completely original so make sure you catch us” I’ll know he’s in a shitty metal band that probably has a keyboard player. If a band member comes in the room, starts taking charge and telling me how the backline is going to work as he takes his Yngwie road case out with 3 heads and enough “do dads” to control a satellite, I’ll know his band will probably be very boring and tasteless but technical. If you tell me “Just wait and see, we are going to melt your face with giant choruses and high energy,” I’ll know you have an overinflated view of what you’re doing and your band will probably be a jambalaya of shit that should never be put together. 

On those rare occasions when someone does blow you away, it’s magic. Remember, I’m always a music fan first and a performer second. It happens a few times every tour. A person I’m a fan of who we had the honor of opening for once said to me, “You know, I’ve been out for 3 months and you’re the second band that impressed me we’ve played with.” So anyway, even if I’m the only one publishing shit about it and spouting off at the mouth, it’s not just me thinking this. To mention a few bright spots I can think of off hand, MF Ruckus, Red Stone Souls, Beelezebubba and Pete Berwick really got us excited when we played with them. They were bands we knew nothing about going in and then bam!, for very different reasons we got really excited and inspired by their own “Smokestack Lightning.” Obviously there’s more and some bands we already know before we get to a show so we know what to expect. 

It’s like this and I’ll be honest and realistic, it’s possible I was downstairs on the phone or sleeping in the van and I missed your band and you are primed to be the next Led Zeppelin and shame on me. Yup, it could happen, I could also get struck by lightening, eaten by a shark or win the lottery. A lot of times I get to a venue and I”m just tired. I haven’t seen my family in a long time, I haven’t been in my bed for weeks, I”m hungry and I”m just worn out from the road. For most people, everyday in their life isn’t a concert and if it was, it changes your perspective and enthusiasm for it a bit. When I get to a show, I have one priority, that’s to get ready to put on the best show possible for 6 or 6,000 people. I”m there to honor my contract, represent myself, my family, those who came before me and my craft the best I can. I owe this to everyone that paid their money to get in the room. If I miss your band because I was focused on that, I don’t care, my priorities were in the right place and like the SH song says, IF THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE TO YOU THEN YOU ARE NEVER GONNA UNDERSTAND ME. 

It Ain’t Just a Guitar

“This is my rifle, there are many like it but this one is mine.” Every time I hear that in Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket I can’t help but look across the room at my beat to hell old Gibson, SG. It doesn’t look like much, It has burn marks on it, beer caps for knobs, huge chucks taken out of it, finish worn off the neck and a spent 9mm shell now acts as the pickup selector. It’s had different stickers on it over the years, the only one that never comes off is a logo design of the mono Lisa from old punk days a good friend long passed originally designed. 

This guitar has been on stage with me at CBGB before it closed. It was in my hand the first time we played SXSX in Austin and secured our first real endorsement. It appears on basically every SH demo and I’ve written the bulk of our riffs on it jamming away in whatever bunker I call home at the moment. If you’ve seen an outdoor or festival Scattered Hamlet show you’ve probably seen Adam Newell light off the Ace Frehley style hillbilly pyrotechnics off it when he launches into the lead break in Skeleton Dixie. 

It’s not one of the main instruments in the studio. Most of those duties are done by the other 6 string bandits in the band using Les Pauls, as they have better chops than me even on my best day. It does appear on the “Skeleton Dixie” album once on part of the lead break I did with Randy Cooper on “Falling Off the Wagon.” It’s too new to be vintage and it’s too beat for anyone else to want it. It sounds and plays better than new SG’s out of the box... I don’t know why, it just does. I replaced the bridge pick up with an old Dimarzio Super Distortion; that’s the original 70’s style after market upgrade. It growls mean and takes on a life of it’s own when it comes through a Marshall. It’s pure made in the USA badassary. 

There is a point to this story, it’s for would be music equipment thieves. First fuck you. Don’t mess with a person’s livelihood and as far as I’m concerned, if you steal a working musicians instrument, you should be hung at high noon while the rest of us throw rank feces at you. Yeah my insurance would probably cover more than it would cost me to buy a new SG from Guitar Center....but you know what, that wouldn’t be the same. This tool is a part of me and it’s like a old friend. You can’t put a price on that and if you think that’s worth the few hundred bucks they’d give you at a pawn shop so you can buy some meth, then you have no soul. 

People have said, “you must not like it much, you beat the hell out of it.” Well, it’s not a show piece son, it’s a tool. I buy my tools to use and they don’t have to look pretty. Really, if you are thinking about running off with a guitar or piece of someone’s music gear, think about it - the roots go deeper than it just being a piece some wood and metal strapped together. Oh yeah, and if I catch you with mine, expect to be another part of it’s history when I beat the shit out of you with it. 

Kickstart my Heart

[Give me your hard earned money]
I’m anti-kickstarter for bands. There I said it. With that out of the way, I have to admit there are many bands I both like and respect who use it or have used it and I’ve even donated to a few. It’s not for me though. When I listen to music it’s about escape, it’s not about worrying about how much the band or the singer is making or not making. There’s a mystique about music and the show that surrounds it and I think part of the rock and roll attraction is that mystique. When you start doing things like Kickstarter you’re opening up Oz’s curtain and letting everyone see in. 

It’s sort of like this, you’re at the nudie bar and this really hot stripper has been paying attention to you and grinding you all night. While you know better, you believe in your mind this sex machine has eyes only for you and that she is spell bound by masculine mojo you’ve been excreting all night. Just as you’re about to hand over another dollar she says, you know my kids are the most important thing in my life and I’m just trying to get through school. Their baby daddy is a deadbeat and I’m only doing this to get by....AND down goes the wiener. Just like that, she pulled back Oz’s curtain, you saw behind it and reality sucks. There goes the escape/entertainment, if you wanted to be depressed about bills and real life, you would have stayed home. 

[The kind of Kickstarter I like]
Music is the same thing as far as I’m concerned. It’s part of the entertainment industry just like stripping is adult entertainment. Yes, much of the time non civilian musicians are struggling, sleeping in our van and doing shit we don’t want to do to get by. That’s our choice and you help us by coming to shows, buying our merch and paying for music instead of stealing it online. BUT, to go that extra step and ask you for more with the promise of same lame “special” doo-dad is a little douchey as far as I’m concerned. It really pisses me off when a fellow musician asks another struggling musician to donate to their kickstarter. Fuck you, for real, we’re all out their trying to make this happen, don’t beg from me. It also pisses me off when musicians with many breaks hit up their fans for more comfort. Hey, donate to our kickstarter so we can have a tour bus instead of an RV.... Fuck you. So let’s recap their logic, buy our merch, buy our music, come to our shows, call radio stations and request us and then donate money to us so we can be more comfortable since you already haven’t done enough....

Kickstarter is part of that “me generation” instant gratification American Idol bullshit paradigm. It falls under the bridge of perceived “self importance” and that the “world owes you something.” Before I ask a fan to give me money for no reason, I’d rather struggle behind the scenes and turn those ups and downs into good songs. That’s how the outlaws did it; if there ain’t no pain there ain’t no music that touches people. Life is a struggle, we are all struggling in our own way. We said it in “It Only Hurts,” I never beg but I sometimes borrow. Yup, I’ve borrowed much and I’m always trying to pay back that generosity with mixed results. I have no interest in going on line and begging... That’s just my two cents, which you can’t have for your lame kickstarter campaign, 98 more and I”ll have a McDouble, tour meal of champions... Suck it.